My December
by key of darkness
Summary: The truth behind Christmas for Jesse.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am poor. (Runs off and cries.)

WARNING: SLASH, YAOI call it what you want, it two GUYS together.

Authors Note: Have no idea where this one came from. Just watched the ep. where Jesse invites all those people over to BBQ Bobs for Christmas. Ever wonder what made Jesse Hate Christmas? (Also might have something to do with the fact that I am listening to my new Linkin Park CD.)

The song is My December by Linkin Park.

This is my December, this is my time of the year,

This is my December, this is all so clear.

10 year old Jesse sat at the foot of the Christmas tree in his lounge room. His mother was out again, working on Christmas Eve. He didn't care, he always spent Christmas alone.

_I don't care, its always like this. _He told himself. _I'm always alone on Christmas, that's how it always is. I just got to face that. This is what's going to happen for the rest of my life._ A tear ran down his face and he sniffed. "

"Mummy..."

This is my December, this my snow covered home,

This is my December, this is me alone.

He crawled over to the wall and flicked the switch, and then he looked back at the tree. I lights flashed and twinkled round the room, reflecting off all the surfaces. More tears ran down his face and he wiped them away.

_I shouldn't cry. Mummy doesn't mean to be away, it just her job. I know she really want's to be here. _

And I, just wish it didn't feel as if there's something I missed,

And I, take back all things I said to make you feel like this,

And I, just wish it didn't feel as if there's something I missed,

And I, take back all the things that I said to you.

_I wish I could find a way to bring mummy home for Christmas, so she gets to enjoy it too. I wish I could think of something._

And I, give it all away, just to have somewhere to go to,

And I, give it all away, to have someone to come home to.

_I wish I wasn't alone. It's always been like this, but I wish I could change it. I want mummy home for Christmas._

**2000**

Jesse sat in front of a Christmas tree, tears running down his face. He hated this, he hated it with a passion. He had just graduated from med school yesterday and his mother had had the nerve to ask him 'why couldn't you just open a nice little flower shop like your cousin Monty.' Well he had had it. He had walked of and left her standing in the middle of the room and found himself not caring. Not caring about her, not caring about the world and certainly not caring about Christmas. It was all just a cheep gimmick to bring in more money.

This is my December; these are my snow covered trees,

This is me pretending, this is all I need.

_Stupid damn holiday!_ He thought to himself as he got up and switched off the Christmas tree lights. It was like a light switch going off in his head. Then and there, he lost his Christmas Spirit, threw it out the window and turned his back on it as it fluttered away on the breeze.

And I, just wish it didn't feel as if there's something I missed,

And I, take back all things I said to make you feel like this,

And I, just wish it didn't feel as if there's something I missed,

And I, take back all the things that I said to you.

**2001**

Jesse sat in front of a tacky, plastic Christmas tree, wondering why the hell he had got it. There were no Christmas decorations and no flashing lights on it this year. He got up and grabbed another beer.

And I, give it all away, just to have somewhere to go to,

And I, give it all away, to have someone to come home to.

His mother hadn't even rung him, but that didn't matter. He had stopped caring a while ago. He slammed his fist down and the bench, wincing at the contact, but he didn't care about that either. He had applied for a job that morning, only to be turned down straight away. Not that he cared.

He slammed both hands down hard on the bench, making things on it wobble. What did he care about!?! He just didn't know any more. The one thing that he did know was that he hated Christmas. So why did he send out cards and flowers? It didn't make any sense.

This is my December, this is my time of the year,

This is my December, this is all so clear.

He grabbed some more bottles of beer from the fridge, flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. Was he going to have a hang over tomorrow.

**2002**

Jesse rushed through the house and past the Christmas tree. He paused and looked at it, the leaned over and turned on the Christmas lights. He smiled. For the first Christmas in a long time he smiled. And he knew why he was happier this year, why he had sent out cards, why he had bought presents, why he had got himself a proper tree. It was because this year, he had found a home. This year he wasn't alone on Christmas Eve. He was with friends who loved him and didn't care what he looked like. They loved him for being who he was. And he was happy, but still convinced that Christmas was entirely over rated.

Give it all away, just have some where to go to,

Give it all away, to have someone to come home to.

**2003**

Jesse sighed. He was driving down the highway on route to Texas. He loved to help people. He didn't care about breaking the law this time. He had said to Mark earlier that afternoon, 'The law gets it way 355 days of the year. There's got to be one day when justice gets its turn.' And this was that day. Helping Claude Basivitch spend his last few months of life in happiness. Claude had been charged with a crime that he didn't commit, had busted out of jail, and now many years down the track, he had been caught when Steve had pulled one string to many to try and get him health insurance to cover him for the cost of cancer treatment.

Give it all away, just have some where to go to,

Give it all away, to have someone to come home to.

He pulled the car into his old friends driveway and stoped it. He hopped out, and as he did, he caught sight of a Christmas tree, with pretty coloured light flashing. He smile and knocked on the door.

**2004**

Jesse lay half asleep on the couch at the Sloan house, watching the Christmas tree lights flashing. He wished Steve would come home. It was past midnight and he was still waiting for the one he loved to walk in the door. He closed his eyes, only intending to sleep for a few minutes.

Give it all away, just have some where to go to,

Give it all away, to have someone to come home to.

He heard something more beside him and his eyes snapped open. Admedianly, warm hands were there to sooth him.

"Hush. It's only me." Jesse relaxed

"Steve."

This was the Christmas that he had longed for. It was his Christmas, his December...


End file.
